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17-2-2004 to Carolee Schneemann (solicited) for Ann McCoy...: SANDS PSYCHO-ANAL-YSIS



the psychotherapy here in amsterdam was with dr. thijs maasen, a sexuologist, gay psychotherapist dealing specifically with gay men and self image, general health, integration, relationships

based on various newer developments in the united states, relational therapies that were less important for me to know, the therapy was 45 minutes every two and a half weeks for two and a half years, 26 yrs-28 yrs roughly, and it was expensive (important for my reception of it)...at that time it was decided that the therapy should be in English (I have since had psychiatric therapy in Dutch)

blue chairs, orange chairs, blocked, resistance, screens, every two weeks, one gay man to another, one a publishing practicing medical professional, married to an academic gay scholar (information later obtained), older man...resistance, hands painted, red nails, darkrooms, multiple partners, fears of HIV, major family dilemmas, an almost laconic listening board, man in chair, gay but no sexual tension, i couldn't work my magic on this one, no money exchanged, tried my tricks, no avail

the art, the boy and his body, 26 or so, bicycling in the rain, inspiration, smiles, body dilemmas, fights, agression, projection, why have you got glossy magazines with images of ideal types in the waiting room?? most of your clients hate themselves, their bodies, can't get erections, i know the game, ...oh no i know it better, i'm older, i'm educated, you'll see i'm right, okay your weird sex, your obsessions and deepness with gay video porno, cinemas, big dicks in your hands, your ass open, flexible hole, information received down there up here, you're too much in your head, worry too much... every session a drag, why don't i stop, can't stop, afraid to look for new help, do i need a woman, a lesbian, someone other than a white person?, shit ,shit, shit, okay keep going...let's discuss my work, you obviously are unimpressed, but you are with my ex-boyfriend, the total penis, the huge muscle, the breathing cockhead, promising sperm, you're all in cahoots, what would ginsberg say, why is ginsberg in my head, shit shit shit, oh yeah my boyfriend's all over the gay media press here (ex guy), but you should have seen him on his knees in front of me, after all those other men dying for him, it was me he was brandishing the rod in front of, couldn't wait for a kiss from my whole, my hole, my whole body, my mind....no no no, never again...all you fucks from the past and you don't understand gay male body work, white position, no need to specifiy, my interest in women and feminist art, feminism, disingenuous, the drag thing, the paint on my fingers, my clothes, my looks, one minute gorgeous, the next a blobby skeletal wreck, my career, my money, no sympathy, my own fault, fuck off, fuck you, here's my text, my family fuck off manifesto, in your file, should i keep it after i'm gone? you don't care, a boy sitting across from you with explosive potential and you drip drab drop gray issue matter sour cum over my plans, my dreams, by not saying anything...

it's raining again, just like last session, where should i leave my wet umbrella, my black leather jacket, are you looking at my perfect ass in levi's as i walk into the room ahead of you? i'm a body artist all right, you bet! listen to me go on, do i sound too happy, i'm inspired, complex, deeper, there's something else wrong with me...

call robin, shit what's going on, why do i feel like this, can't drag myself out of bed, can't do it anymore, why does everyone know i'm going to a therapist, he appears in my writings, my dreams, my life look clouds, my wanderings, who is he...vacations to eastern europe, what does he do, his mother dies died the sessions go on he is working it through

tips, weakly given, noncommital, thanks a lot, accusations of projection, i'm late for the session, i can't come, how long will this go on, is there an end, my research continues, grants received, huge amounts of original feminist lit from everywhere i can get it, 70's come back, before, after, money, money, money, up all night on internet, research, drawings, notes, texts, in front of mirror exercising, photos of ass and hole, thousands, dias, flipped over turned upside down schneemann wilke semmel where is this headed looking down at my body there is a penis, a gay penis, the rose garden calls, white night petals red open husky green stems fitting perfectly, lubricant, shit, trees, dark, moon, brain flying, boy where are you going? are you an artist, a whore, no friends, one great lover partner, no contact, get away from me, cigarettes find their way into my hands no more contact at all, quick paintings, scattered floor voice work, brain exploding, internet sucking me in riding canals cables electrodes dad mom sis no one can help me least of all you, sleeping 13 14 15 16 hours at a time why get up have money anyway where is my life heading panic attacks, ok a few sessions it's going on work on your routine try to get up buy things you like for breakfast but my own image is vague horrible in the mirror takes hours to get ready can't face the world, anyone, myself, can only look down, that penis demands that I care for it, the ass and hole, super sensitive, hidden to my front side but demanding attention, i can't put you all together, long hair, short hair body type on my back being fucked by who is this art? yes it's my work leigh bowery all of them crawling into me i'm connected to them, the spiral, the hole...we love cock we love love love love love

i can't help you sands you won't help yourself you're crazy there is something wrong where is your work going what is it painting sculpture live art live art cantor medalla london dark streets the boy is a snake is the boy a snake negative space positive space i can't pay for the sessions anymore can't make it don't want to go dammit you fuck it's your fault i'll get some fried potatoes some "french" fries substitutes the windows the fabrics aaaaahhhhhhhhhh boy this is it body this is it hysterical screen can't function i have a friend a gay psychiatrist here is some medicine it might make you fat it might affect your work relief the track continues you must stay calm no more delving only with dicks you have a loving partner we know what's wrong with you this treatment is free we know what's wrong now you are going to be okay ____________________________________________________________________________________________________---

QUEER-- Harmony Hammond, 'definition of feminist art' (non-hegemonic) in "Wrappings: Essays on Feminism, Art, and the Martial Arts", TSL Press (Time and Space Limited Press), New York City, 1984, p. 99::: "Feminism is the political analysis of the experience of being a woman in patriarchal culture. The main problem is that both the art establishment and the feminist community approach feminism as an aesthetic or a style.

But feminism is not an esthetic. It is the political analysis of the experience of being a woman in patriarchal culture. This analysis becomes a state of mind, a way of being and thinking when it is reflected in one's life. It can be articulated in art, and the art itself can in turn contribute to the process of analysis and consciousness. If art and life are connected, and if one is a feminist, then one must be a feminist artist--that is, one must make art that reflects a political consciousness of what it means to be a woman in patriarchal culture. The visual form this consciousness takes varies from artist to artist."



_____________________________________________________________________________ Sands Murray old address Amsterdam Tel/Fax old numbers Email: old email address

Amsterdam, 13 April 1999

Pam Emmerik C/o NRC Handelsblad



The article that you wrote last September about the exhibition at the Ateliers in Amsterdam made me furious. My reaction at the time was civil, but it's impossible for me to ignore the sort of blatant ignorance that your double review of the show at De Appel and the Ateliers exposed.

I hardly know where to begin, even after all of this time. But whether you like it or not, it's time you knew who you were dealing with. I found the whole atmosphere of your article cynically critical of the professional art world as you experienced it on this particular information gathering trip (and it seemed like an opinion that had been formed over years of unsatisfying experiences). And the overwhelming feeling that stayed with me at the end of the article is that you had done absolutely nothing to change it. The personal tone you took directly mimicked the lack of self-criticism you complained about in the work you saw that day. It comes across as if you are/were bitter and disappointed, but not only about the two shows you saw and reviewed, but about some lack or unresolve in your own life and work. This is an attitude that I find typical after being here for nearly five years and having close relationships with Dutch people, both in the art world and in general.

After your uninformed criticism I can imagine that my opinion is of little worth to you, but this letter is written out of my own dignity and self respect, which have in part gotten me to where I am today.

I'm 25 years old (last month), born in 1974 in Topeka, Kansas in the United States and after being here for 5 years speak fluent Dutch-this letter is in English mainly because I am the most direct and clear in my own language. In 1992 I went from Kansas to Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, New York on a full 4 year scholarship for fashion design, which I changed in the first year to a double major in fine art and a master's degree in art history. In 1994, for various reasons but mainly due to ambition, curiousity, and a desire to see if I could get an overview of the American culture which I found generally unbearable then, I wrote to Rene van der Land at the Rietveld Academie to ask if I might come on an exchange program via Pratt (all of our foreign programs had been let go as no one at the school had been interested in keeping them up). Due to the professionalism and optimism of my letter Rene van der Land arranged to meet me while in New York City on business-he thought I was an administrator at Pratt. I called the Dutch Consulate in New York and found out what Dutch people did for afternoon tea, and arranged a meeting for him and the school's president and 2 top administrators. The exchange program was reinstated at Pratt thanks to this. I was only allowed 4 months away at any one school, and so I arranged in the last months of 1993 and the beginning of 1994, similar contacts for Pratt at Central Saint Martin's College in London, the Ecole des Beaux-Arts Superieures in Paris, Chelsea College in London, the Hogeschool voor de Kunsten in Amsterdam and an art school in Nigeria (this contact was eventually abandoned because they thought that it wouldn't be popular enough). I eventually came for 4 months to the Rietveld (vrije richting) with plans to go on to Central St. Martin's in London, also for 4 months. I had read about the Ateliers in a book on graduate study in Europe while I was still in New York. I went and met with Elly Reurslag in September of 1994 while at the Rietveld and went back after my 4 month exchange to apply. I was 20 and had been in school in America for two of the four years of my scholarship.

I was accepted at the Ateliers and decided to stay in Holland. My time there was tumultuous and important, most of all because of the chance I'd always hoped for to have serious talks with working professional artists who took me seriously-this was available unsolicited and with the price that the talk was also critical and meant to make me ask questions about myself and my purposes. My top priority was to get an idea of what it was like to be a working professional artist on an international level, what I have always wanted and worked for since I can remember.

In my first attempts to discern what I would like things to be, via letters ,phone conversations, and sometimes personal meetings with people I felt were important to me, as well as the people I came in contact with at school and in life, the critical lack as well as the overriding connections between artists, artworks, and the media was for me a sense of accessibility and purpose.

I feel like I've already told more than I meant to, considering what I found to be the ignorant, care less attitude of your article. But if there's a point, other than the obvious fact that you should direct that superficial critical eye at yours at yourself and your writing more often, it's that I'd like you to think about just what you are trying to achieve. What is the purpose of art for you-and are you willing to share the answer with the people who read your articles? The thing that bothers me the most is that you seem to think you can act as the "art police", but it would have far more depth and add an extra edge to the aggression and anger of articles like this one, if you were actually informed about the bigger picture. Otherwise you are merely abusing your powers as a journalist, as I see it. There is a contemporary artistic context beyond the borders of Holland, and the last thing that Holland needs is one more provincial know-it-all closing the borders before she's even dipped her feet into the water. Emotion, psychology, and most importantly personality are what distinguish people like Tracey Emin from art which is merely trendy. It is the same indescribable quality that makes a painting good, the quality which is the reason for the existence of art.

You bit off more than you could chew, honey, and until you can turn that negative energy into something that can contribute instead of just add to the piles of bad feeling in the art world, keep it to yourself.



Sincerely,

Sands Murray







EARLY 2000--

Dear Adrian Piper,

I've been reading your text "Passing For White, Passing For Black" in the New Feminist Criticism (Icon Editions) from 1994 anthology and it's made me want to contact you/have contact with you for the second time (the first time was about six years ago and I can't even remember if I did send a letter or not, c/o Wellesley).

I see so many emotional/feeling parallels between the way I felt growing up in the midwest as a gay white boy in a Jewish/Catholic family, and being intelligent, perceptive, and very intuitive. The same feelings of that my being gay was important and how could people say it didn't matter? It's not ever "obvious" and therefore I always felt like I was carrying a secret, and people would get angry if I didn't say it to them (that I was gay) and come up to me and say "You're gay!" as if it was an insult that I hadn't told them. When I first moved to Europe I had older gay men say this to me in an attempt (I know now) to seduce me.

I've had trouble with my own younger sister, who just graduated from Wellesley, that her interests for women, and my own interest in Feminism and the Black Power movement of the 1960's and now Homosexual Emancipation for men and women, and all the unfinished business and compartmentalization, and further and further, that goes with this, makes America such a violent place. I left when I was 20 to protect myself from going crazy and hating myself, also for being gay and white, and feeling like I wasn't good or smart enough to be an artist, and too superficial and irresponsible even though I'd gotten a Charles Pratt Scholarship for fashion to Pratt Institute, the boy from Topeka, Kansas. My own sister at Wellesley talks about human rights and especially those for women, and still doesn't understand how near her own brother was to suicide because of all the abuse and torment I received from the Jewish side (my mother's side) of the family growing up, and how, once I openly discussed being gay, I wasn't gay in the right "conservative" way that my millionaire great-uncle living in New York City was, and he lived through the Stonewall movement. And the reason that it was okay for him to be gay it THAT HE IS RICH! I sent my sister Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick's book "Between Men" for her 21st birthday to begin bridging the gap that exists between us (I saw recently that it will never work), she doesn't take my interest in feminism seriously because I am a man and because I chose to pursue my calling as an artist, and develop my academic and intellectual interests in a way that subverts America, I couldn't even bear to finish my full scholarship at Pratt and left after 2 years to finish my self arranged education in Europe.

I'm married now to a man here (possible for a year or so) and have a hyphenated last name which I am proud of. My Dutch husband, who has another job (a "normal" job) but works supportively and directly with me in my pursuits, and I are collectors of Hannah Wilke's work, and have also a piece by Jan Dibbets (which Jan gave to me a few years ago when I knew him in a learning situation) and are starting now to really broaden our collection and scope, and my interest in archive and activism.
I think your most important point, what makes me shake inside and "cry", is the realization that true intimacy between two people, the understanding of real relationships and strength and understanding of your own and other's weaknesses, is the ONLY point to existence. Being serious and paying attention. It does matter to me that you are black, as it did six years ago. I have spent long enough wondering if my intuitive OVERWHELMING interest in feminism was patronizing or gay-glamorous or transference or anything else. I'll never forget my mother's chastizing of me when I wanted to be Dian Fossey in a "Meeting of the Minds" play of dead important people in my junior high gifted class in Topeka, and when I tried to arrange for Carolee Schneemann to come and teach at "De Ateliers" where I was a participant here a few years ago and I felt the misunderstanding and resistance, the difference between Europe and America in thinking, and the painful feeling in my gut that the compartmentalization, violence, neglect, and misunderstanding of the American system will always be at the heart of my transformative activities, which are only now starting to broaden and realize how much I've left out unknowingly. My life has been hard enough, as hard as anybody's, regardless of my background, also in the art world/community.

I wanted to make contact with you now, regardless of the generation gap and the fact that we may never meet personally. What you do is important to me, especially the sense I get that by dealing with these issues of externality versus fact (that I am also black, etc.) and passing for something, smart/dumb, class, etc. --the same reason why I've had to make a painful break with my own family for now, you are grabbing hold of the problem of America in terms of humanity by the root!

Please let me know that you received this--don't ever hesitate to contact me if I and my husband can do anything for you here as fellow members of the art community. This was an intuitive response (as if I need to say this) to the person that comes through in your writing.

Sincerely,

Mr. Sands Murray-Wassink
Amsterdam, The Netherlands


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Dear Faith Ringgold,

I'm glad you asked this question. A problem I have in my dedicated interest to feminism and the ideologies that stem out of the Black Power movement of the 1960's and then on up (unfinished business all) is the lack of dialogue and open questioning between women, men, and everyone involved in "leveling things out".

I was born in 1974 in Topeka, Kansas and had a Jewish (reform) background there. I am an artist and a gay man, I knew I was gay growing up, and I am white.

I live in Amsterdam now and am married to a Dutch man (possible here since a year or so). My husband and I are collectors of Hannah Wilke's work, and have work by Jan Dibbets, and are interested in acquiring our next piece now from Carolee Schneemann, and then on from there as we have money. We do not have abundant funds, but are serious and serious collectors. We are also building up an archive focussing on our collection and feminism, and broader issues.

Simply, I hated growing up in America, and left to eventually settle here as a permanent resident. I can whole-heartedly say that I would've liked nothing better than to be born a black girl in America, and still think that American culture as a whole is black (my favorite movie growing up was "the Wiz")--and this is the only thing I liked and was proud of. I think Americans in general (all included) are too superficial and formal in their interaction (I have worked hard on myself to ameliorate these things when I see them in myself). I still relate to and admire black Americans and females, and am amazed even myself at the absolute conviction I have that I would not hesitate for a moment to make this choice (to be born again as one, although I want to enjoy and make the best of my life as it is now--I wrote about this in a letter to Adrian Piper, who asks a similar question).

I still remember "courting" Felicia McGlory in Topeka, Kansas--funny enough I left two white roses on her doorstep. She never took me seriously, she probably knew I was gay intuitively (I was 14 or so) but I was paying tribute to her.

Anyway, I think the real problem is the lack of focus on treatment of individuals in real, intimate relationships in America. This has nothing to do with who you are, I think Americans treat each other bad in general, and that it is an isolated, atomized (or withdrawn into itself) place in general. In my own work and life I work to correct the balance.

Thank you for allowing me to be given the chance to speak to you on this question. Unreservedly, don't hesitate to contact me and my husband if there is anything we could do for you, or things in general.

Sincerely,

Mr. Sands Murray-Wassink
Schoolstraat 20a
1054 KD Amsterdam
The Netherlands


tel/fax: +31.20.6898465
I misunderstood in my hastiness and specificity and confused "the question" with "my answer". Obviously I feel very strongly about what I wrote you. I am going to look more closely at your website when I get a chance. I think a lot of people will feel like they are able to get their feelings out at such a website, with the question of being black in America. I know and think intuitively that a lot of white and Americans in general hate the way things are and are frustrated by it--the most difficult thing is the personal decision to figure out on what level you can change the most (personal, one-on-one and on up to mass decisions and deciding what you're most fit to do, and feeling confident about that contribution). It's a big thing to say the least, and connects with art (American in particular) in a subtle and special way.

Sands

----- Oorspronkelijk bericht -----
Van: Faith Ringgold
Aan: sjmw@wxs.nl
Verzonden: zondag 18 juni 2000 0:03
Onderwerp: Re: Answer to question, "Waking up black in America"



> Thanks for writing me. Where did you get the questions? Faith
>
what I said about you and Miriam Schapiro was for me the interesting connection of two people who had had a similar effect, there is so much information for me to absorb, that I want to go after (since my generation, born in 1974) that I usually research in pieces--the effect I'm talking about is that usually your names are mentioned close to one another. there is one more small thing, the mention of your influences as men including Jacob Lawrence and Andy Warhol, de Kooning etc. --I assume it moved on to things closer to your heart, I've seen Mira Schor's article "Patrilineage" and consider myself to be in the artistic line of Hannah Wilke and Carolee Schneemann, principally--and I have a great admiration for Jan Dibbets and his work. I'm happy that the idea of Matrilineage is now possible. Sorry for all these e-mails, except you see that I have a lot I want to say and enjoy (when I have time and energy) saying it to people I'm excited about. I'll leave it at this!

Dear Faith Ringgold,


This is just a last thought and clarification about what I said about patriarchy and the male artists I saw that had inspired you also (mainly Andy Warhol, who inspired me with his lifestyle when I was younger, but now I see it more for what it was and don't like it so much, and Willem de Kooning)--
I didn't mean anything bad by it--I just wanted to reiterate that if it was less likely for you to have had visible female role models, that I think it is so great that women now and in the future will have you.

With fond regards,

Sands Murray-Wassink
Amsterdam
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ps--New York City is one big aesthetic influence, and it doesn't surprise me at all that the Statue of Liberty was meant to be a black woman (although it would be ironic considering the alienation that still exists).
What would I do if I were a black woman? I would try like anyone to live my life with dignity, now I am a white man (gay, Jewish background--no longer religious in that sense, but still white and male) and I have had HUGE problems with dignity even in my own past and family, and these were very often unconnected to anything specific, again it is the cycle of how people were treated and then when they grow up how they treat those they come into contact with. I think a lot of people are just not serious enough about LIFE.

This is my honest unedited response (as was the last) so I think you can learn the most from it, no matter how I would be if I "professionally" edited myself or how different that would sound.

*
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I think you should phone me so I can hear your voice and trust you in person: +31.20.6898465
By all means you should make a website for this question. It is important that someone in America is asking it. I have seen your website but only quickly. I have to look again. These issues sensitize me so much that it's hard sometimes to face them , I get shaky with energy--it obviously hits close to the bone. I saw the question on the summary of your talk at the College Art Association together with Miriam Schapiro. Jesus I was in the middle of something else and this has taken me a little by storm!
Sands


----- Oorspronkelijk bericht -----
Van: Faith Ringgold
Aan: sjmw@wxs.nl
Verzonden: zondag 18 juni 2000 0:06
Onderwerp: Re: ps




> Thanks so much. I love your honesty. I would like to make a website for > this question. What do you think of that? I already have a website for my > art. Have you seen it? artincontext.org/artist/ringgold
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The precise address where I saw the question was: www.collegeart.org/caa/conference/1997/reviews/artist.interviews.html
I had been looking anyway for information on you and Miriam Schapiro--I have a huge interest in feminism, and my husband and I are collectors of Hannah Wilke's work, and also have work by Jan Dibbets and are now interested in work by Carolee Schneemann and are going on from there. We don't have abundant funds right now but are very serious collectors and people.
I saw the question on this page and intuitively responded immediately. I couldn't even and didn't want to hold myself back. This has always been an important issue for me.
MY address, for continuity and honesty, is:
Schoolstraat 20a
1054 KD Amsterdam
The Netherlands
you already have my phone , which is also a fax.
I don't expect the same from you of course, but this is who I AM, to do it this way.
My husband's name is Robin Wassink-Murray (it has been possible for a year or so now for gay men to be married in Holland, in America, in case you don't know, the rights are terrible and only slowly getting better, it's crazy to have a federal government not recognize THE relationship that you know is the one, and of course there is so little else in life than that of true value).
Anyway, good luck with the website, I will keep my eye out for it or let me know.

Fond regards and greetings,
Sands
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Thanks so much. I love your honesty. I would like to make a website for this question. What do you think of that? I already have a website for my art. Have you seen it? artincontext.org/artist/ringgold
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Hi Sands


It was your generous response to my racial questionnaire that inspired me to place it on the internet. The response has been wonderful and awesome. I want to thank you again for sharing your feelings with me. Have a good new year with lots of love and productivity in your life.


If one can
Any one can


Faith Ringgold

Take time out to____Reflect on what your life in America would be like if it were changed in the most drastic manner imaginable. It could bring new meaning to the way you see yourself and other people. Take the Faith Test This is a conceptual art piece. Look for the results on my website in a few months.
Thanks for your time and attention. Faith Ringgold
The Anyone Can Fly Foundation, Inc.
PO Box 429
Englewood, New Jersey 07631 USA
(858) 534-4597 phone/fax


Visit my new website (still under construction) at http://www.faithringgold.com and don't forget to___ Take the Faith Test
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Amsterdam, 22 April 1999


Grandma and Grandpa,

This is the last straw. Do you not see how unbelievable your behavior is? I'm writing this for my own self-respect and dignity, because if it were only on the merit (or lack thereof) of you being my grandparents I would seriously consider if it was worth the energy—energy that I could be using in much more positive ways.

In light of this energy expenditure a few important points:

1.You don't listen (both of you), you speak much too quickly and in some twisted bizarre way seem to want people to speak light and superficially while interrogating them about the most intimate, personal things.

What makes this so terrible is that I can't remember ever feeling the same energy expenditure when it came to you explaining about your own feelings and motives, and lives. I get a strong feeling that you have never really stopped to question your own behavior, there's a definite lack of self-criticism.

2.As far as love goes, I have never believed it. From the beginning I found our almost monthly gatherings as a family almost unbearable (and similarly in NYC). I NEVER found them relaxing or enjoyable, at best they were amicable gatherings among people who could've better kept to their own interests and lives for everybody's good. I should have known better than to involve myself in it, and that is what I've learned. I'm so sick of this, I thought it would subside as I got older and you would see that all I was waiting for was to live my own life in my way where I wanted to, how I wanted to. I lead such a fantastic fucking life—it's so important, and I can't believe that anyone would ever want explanation of it. Especially people who don't even listen to the truth. I refuse to explain anymore to people who don't listen. The only thing I can think of with the whole side of the family (Horwitz) is that you're all bewildered and jealous that someone you treated so casually and sometimes horribly has made such a fantastic life for himself—international, successful, real and existential, even in light of overcoming tremendous obstacles like being gay, a super sensitive contemporary artist, and coming from a family and background like ours in reform Judaism's Topeka, Kansas, USA.

I know what love is now with Robin, and let me tell you there is not one single shared point between what Robin gives me and what you both seem to call love. Before now I have never known how it feels to be relaxed in someone else's company. If your intentions are so good, then why is everything such a mess?! I don't feel the care you purport to have for me, and that's enough to tell me to avoid the contact. If there's one thing I'm not it's a glutton for punishment.

Love! Ha! What do you know about it? I have spent the last 5 years of my life searching it out for myself, making up my own rules, which is what gay men have to do—all of this without the support of society. Do you realize that my legal relationship with Robin (it's possible to be married here now should we choose to, and in Denmark, Sweden, France, Belgium, Germany, Norway, and Finland) is not recognized AT ALL in America. Can you imagine if you had a relationship with someone from another country or in your own and that was denied by the state? Can you even begin to fathom what that means? And unfortunately that's not all—it's not enough to say you understand or accept my lifestyle, you have never given it 2 seconds thought! I am not only gay, can you imagine being grouped with all the horrible men and women you know as if that was your "group"—I don't even get along with most gay men I know, although there is a similarity in the minority aspect that draws us together. But beyond being gay I am a personality, and one that sincerely resents the undue over-involvement of me with you when I was younger. Acceptance and understanding is something that you cannot say you do—the other person feels it. And if there is one thing I'm supersharp at knowing then it's when people are really telling the truth and when they really care about me. That's what's drawn me to such a jewel as someone like Robin, who fell in love with me. This says something about who I am and what I want.

I notice even in my relationship now that the ways I talk can be cruel, demanding beyond belief and judgemental. Sometimes out of a pure anger at the way I've developed I make situations impossible and destructive. In the end all of this luckily always ends up being for optimistic reasons. Thanks to you and in part your over-involvement in my upbringing I've had to learn how to shut myself off, be non-emotional and proud, and not let anyone get to me. In the case of my parents, however, I have come to admire and appreciate two people who have, against their own odds, collaborated in their values to raise what I see as extremely exceptional human beings, my sister and myself. I am proud of them.

At the same time I find myself explaining much too much to people who are obviously only half interested. It's not a crime to let people go their own way, and I will not tolerate an egotistical contact which is purely self-gratifying and only half interested. There is nothing in my life which is superficial, I am extremely deep and thoughtful and even anger (especially with people who I genuinely dislike) is expressed in constructive ways, because I do it for me.

I have alot of work to do in my personal life as we all do. And from my own experiences I fully understand how circumstances sometimes make people what they are. But I could not protect myself when I was younger, I was trapped in an extreme situation which I did not myself choose. As soon as I could make my own decisions to better my situation and stop you and others from hurting me more, I found my own way out. And this is not a compromise, it is the best thing I could have ever hoped for—it is mine.

I have given thought to the hurt in your own lives, to the pressure and bad feelings wherever they come from. If you know these things yourself I can't believe you would choose to burden someone else you know by relation (especially someone younger than you) with them. This is genuinely evil in my book and intolerable. There is nothing temporary about this, it is a build up of bad feeling that has colored the lives of far too many people, and I actually see it as a very positive step I've taken, it was the very best that I could do.

There is nothing to talk about anymore as far as this goes, the best that I can do in this situation is to be civil like I was on the phone last night. There are memories I have which are good (this is almost unavoidable after so many years together) but that is what they are—memories. I know better now and refuse to take part in it any more for the rest. But noone can ever say that I didn't honestly state the way I felt, even at 25 in the middle of a life more complicated than most people's. I used to constantly allow myself to take on even more responsibility for other people (including you) in addition to the life I lead (which you indeed never have given enough time to understand and probably can't which is fine if you'd just leave it alone except for the same superficial pleasantries that are known behaviors of grandparents) but it's over. Explaining/discussing beyond this point would only be for your benefit. I have truly reached my limit for now of saying everything that I want to say as far as this is concerned.

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Dear Cassandra Langer/ Langer Fine Art and Appraisal,


I would like to have contact with you about collecting. My husband and I = (it is possible for a year or so to be married as 2 men in The = Netherlands) are collectors of Hannah Wilke's work, and are = corresponding with Carolee Schneemann about acquiring work from her.

It would be great to communicate with you about continuing our = collection and issues relating to this. We are also building up an = archive based on feminism and related subjects which to this point also = include a signed copy (by you and Arlene Raven) of "Feminist Art = Criticism: An Anthology" and your book "Feminist Art Criticism: An = Annotated Bibliography". We have also had contact with Joanna Frueh, we = are doing all that we can.

I hope to hear from you.

Greetings and sincerely,

Mr. Sands Murray-Wassink (and Mr. Robin Wassink-Murray)
Schoolstraat 20a
1054 KD Amsterdam
The Netherlands

tel/fax: +31.20.6898465




Dear Messers: Sands and Wassinle-Murray. The reason your e-mail did not get through (and I hope mine will reach you) was that the e-mail is Kelpie1(as in the number 1)@aol.com---I am delighted to hear you are building a collection of feminist art. I would like to know more about your focus? Is it just fine art or does it include photography, prints, etc.?
Since I make my living as a consultant, appraiser, writer I have to charge for my services. So if you wish to speak with me my fees start at $75.00 and varying depending on the project. I do not have the luxury of being academically employed any longer.
What you are proposing is very interesting and I know that I could be of some help to you. I am wondering why you as two gay men did not wish to focus on gay art? It is just a curiosity? This is an emerging area and many things are reasonable. Let me say that building a collection of feminist art is perhaps more challenging and certainly risk taking given the rejection that feminist art has experienced because of its cutting edge criticism and attempts at social reform. What kinds of price ranges were you thinking of? I know where there is a very fine Harmony Hammond mono print that could be had for a modest price. I could try and get you a scan of it. I generally take a 10% commission. If this interests you at all let me know. I have acted as an agent for other collectors. Best,
Sandy Langer

Dear Sandy Langer,

It's nice to get your response. Actually an initial question I had was something I saw in your annotated bibliography: that some gay men had done more harm to feminism by being involved in it than good. I may have misunderstood the quote, maybe you could help me understand better what it meant. We are both interested in understanding better the relationship between gay men and lesbians, and what we can do to contribute to evening out the balance, also with regard to all issues such as race, class, and gender, and further.
I have just ordered a copy of Harmony Hammond's book "Wrappings" and would like someday to have contact with her directly. I feel that the best way to understand and correct the shambles of the existing art world is through direct dialogue, and it has always been my policy to make myself available and open for it. I read also in your essay in "New Feminist Criticism" (with the picture of Romaine Brooks) that breast cancer and abortion are as serious issues for lesbians as HIV and AIDS are for gay men. I was unaware of this and it impressed me deeply. I am still absorbing it, we were both unaware actually (by the way, our names are Robin and Sands, and the last names are Wassink and Murray, hyphenated since we are married, so Sands Murray-Wassink and Robin Wassink-Murray).
I would be interested in seeing the scan of Harmony Hammond. I had also contacted Helen M.Z. Harwood Gallery about the work of Sandra Payne, but had never heard back from them. Maybe you know something about her work? And I was interested in the avant-garde black/people of color gallery, what was it, above Fifty-Seventh Street or so, that closed...
The reason we are not collecting gay art now is because there are no coincidentally gay artists (men) that we are aware of and interested in. We have a piece by Jan Dibbets, who is not gay, but is an acquaintence of mine in a learning situation and I actually traded artwork with him/ got it as a gift. I do this when I can because as I said we are serious but also not rich. Maybe you have some ideas of art by gay men that you find interesting that we could eventually see, people we may not be aware of. We are very open, and are interested in feminism with a center of Hannah Wilke. Hannah Wilke is an important artist for me, and I do not see our collection and archive as specific, but as a collection of art, for us, not to resell or so. It does not interest me in the least what someone else says or thinks of what we collect. It is for us and eventually to demonstrate publically in some form what we think is important as art. We see Jan Dibbets on the same level as Hannah Wilke, Carolee Schneemann, and Adrian Piper who we recently contacted Paula Cooper Gallery about.
As an artist myself I see it as positive and rewarding to explore the collecting process and put my money where my mouth is. And I like your (not meant as insulting) informed and opinionated attitude from what I know of your work. I would like nothing better than a contact to help advise me based in America. I say me but I mean us (I make the initial contacts, Robin is also very involved once the ball is rolling...). I am very excited about the possibility of working with you somehow in building an art collection, and would like to see anything that we do that is classed as feminism or gay art, etc. as matter of fact--this is what I think has the potential to make the most change and impact. I hope you agree.
I have just now this minute placed an order for "Amazing Decade: Women and Performance Art 1970-1980 in America" through 871 Fine Arts Bookstore in San Francisco ($45.00!). I had not expected to do this but found it so fantastic that I could not pass it up. I have spent FAR too much lately, and hope to visit Mary Beth Edelson next month in Copenhagen while she is there (this is preliminary, but since I know who I am talking to I thought you could appreciate it), and as I said we are communicating with Carolee Schneemann to acquire a work which I want to come to New York to pick up in person. What this means is that I am 100% interested in working with you. We can start and see where it leads. But I have to wait a few months until I have more time and can afford to pay you the initial fee which I want to do. I also need to speak with you once on the phone and hear your voice, and see how we communicate, as an introduction (close to the time that we decide to work together).
I am so excited about doing something outside of the existing gallery system, to see how it can be done different and better and with dignity. Let's see what we can do. Let me know how this sounds and we can keep in touch until I can afford to pay you the initial fee.

Great to meet you. Greetings from us both,

Sands (who wrote this) and Robin
Just one final note: the overtly political art may be hit or miss with us at times, what I still find so particular and special in the work of Hannah Wilke and Carolee Schneemann is the particular human touch and combination of performance and objects (yes we are also interested in photographs, everything actually, such as Carolee's "Eye Body" as an example)--hopefully you don't find this too particularly masculine value oriented, if you do I'd really be fascinated and intrigued to hear why. Part of why we are doing this is to learn, that is the most pleasurable aspect of it, aside from the enjoyment of the work.
We would also be interested in tips and help building up our archive with seminal and interesting books, catalogs, articles, etc. relating to honesty and caring and that leveling of art, extending to globalization (an extension of these issues) which has been brought to my attention by friends from outside of the west. Perhaps you've heard of Moshekwa Langa for example?



ps--I forgot to mention price ranges. Generally it would be for pieces = up to $2000.00 or so (for now and near future), but depending on the work, it = would also be interesting to mix, because a more expensive piece would mean that would be all we = could buy for awhile. And generally we would want photographs or drawings, sculptures, etc. before prints. But it all depends on what it is. We are interested in anything at all when it is good and serious, feminist, mainstream or otherwise. We are interested in art! I would love to see a scan of the Harmony Hammond monoprint, and know = the price (plus your fee) no matter how expensive it is if it is not too = much trouble.

Our address is:

Sands Murray-Wassink and Robin Wassink-Murray
Schoolstraat 20a
1054 KD Amsterdam
The Netherlands


tel/fax: +31.20.6898465

Out of enthusiasm, please give Arlene Raven our regards, after having = read her work. I just ordered "Crossing Over" and "Art in the Public = Interest"

Sands and Robin- I am responding for Sandra Langer. I am her Research Consultant. Since I will be doing the research on this project, I have several requests to make of you. I need for you to make a "wish list" of artists whose work you are interested in. Also, I need to know what contacts you already have in NYC. You mention that you will be visiting NYC sometime soon, do you have the dates yet for this trip? You also mention that you are interested in photography- what kind of photography? We have access to some excellent vintage and contemporary photography on noir (as in film noir) themes. In regard to speaking to Dr. Langer via phone, please let us know when you want to call her so that she can schedule you in. Since you will be seeing Mary Beth Edelson soon, say hi to her from Dr. Langer. Also, do you have her address and email avialable so that we can contact her? Meanwhile, Dr. Langer is putting together an agreement describing her fees,services,etc. as an authorized purchasing representative.

Irene Fay, Research Consultant

Dear Irene Fay,

Thanks for the information below. I look forward to getting onto this as soon as possible, but as I said in my e-mails and fax yesterday I am swamped now with information and work. I was just so excited to learn of Dr. Langer's services that I wanted to make contact immediately. I'm sure you understand.
I mentioned Mary Beth because I thought she would appreciate it. The situation is that I do not have her address in Copenhagen, the one in New York is where I had written her before and that one is in Art Diary International. It is important to understand that this is preliminary--I have not yet met her in person and this is not a meeting for buying work from her in principle. It is for personal reasons now. So there is no need now to contact her in regard to me anyway (us, Robin and I). I will however let you know after I have been (as I said I hope I can arrange it still with all the enthusiastic purchases I've made lately!), and we can see what is appropriate. I will definitely tell her hello for Dr. Langer, I hope to talk to her about things in general.

As far as contacts in New York, dates I would be there, etc., it is something I have to think about how to go about for myself. I am an artist myself and mix collecting with my own work and travel, and to tell you the truth it is all connected. So I will think about this component of the process and decide how I can best do it. I am not at all sure right now exactly when I could be in New York, but then perhaps we could meet in person, etc. As I also said in my e-mails and faxes we are not rich, but we are very serious. We have core interests (Hannah Wilke, Carolee Schneemann, Adrian Piper) which we already have contacts for right now. Mary Beth might also be one of these but it is so fresh with her I have no idea where it will lead--I contacted her for other reasons rather than purchasing work.

What we would mainly be interested in is suggestions for artists we may know less about. And as I said the preference would be for artists with an integrated aesthetic who make many things from everything from performance documentation to objects to drawings to texts/ artist's books, etc. Probably more established or at least older artists as well, in general. But it would be definitely interesting to eventually see what you might suggest as far as younger unknown artists go. We want to broaden our knowledge of what's available. And when I said photography I mainly mean documentation (such as in Hannah Wilke's and Carolee Schneemann's work, photography as a tool) rather than say Francesca Woodman (artists who use photography to make objects, such as Jan Dibbets also--who we already know and have work from).

I hope you understand now that it was perhaps even too early (out of enthusiasm) to mention Mary Beth and I don't feel comfortable right now involving her in these plans, it would be too much cross-over for me now. And as far as calling Dr. Langer, I would like to wait a few months as I said until we can afford to pay her, and then we can hopefully arrange to talk by phone (or if I know when I might be in New York, etc.). If she wants to send us information about the formal things you wrote about, the legal things etc. about her as a purchasing representative, then we can look it over and consider all of it when we call to finalize a "working relationship".

What we hope for is something fairly loose, advice once in a while initially for the fee. But what I was looking forward to with this is a relationship different than a mainstream gallery, perhaps something more enthusiastic and committed--advice about art and building an archive. Care about the work and commitment. I have traded in the past with artists for work, and I also need to think about which avenues I want to pursue alone and which are better to have help with from Dr. Langer.

We can take it from here (and if you would like to send or fax information) and for now take it slow.

I will think it over and we will discuss it together, and as I said it will be a few months before we have time and overview to begin--and I will definitely let you know. And if you will be doing the research Irene, perhaps we can eventually say hello as well so I know who we are communicating with better. We will let this sink in for now and contact you as soon as we can (feel free to let us know about those formal matters).

Sincerely and with fond regards,

Sands (and Robin)

ps--I just want to add that I'm glad Dr. Langer is authorized and I imagine for financial reasons, etc. it's important, but the reason I contacted her was entirely intuitive and personal based on her writing and ideas and research, and I would pay her eventually happily just based on that knowledge. This is what is important to me in the art world/community. And I would still like to know briefly sometime about her comments on gay men doing more harm sometimes than good in the feminist movement. I would like to understand this better and this is part of the reason that we wanted to work with her on art collecting and archive building.



Sands and Robin- Thank you for the clarification of your intentions. To be perfectly honest with you, I am advising Dr. Langer to refrain from pursuing further contact with you. I question your intentions. From my reading of your various emails and faxes it appears that you are attempting to network with artists and collectors in the USA. This is fine but an inappropriate use of Dr. Langer's energies. She is a teacher and consummate professional who really has no time for unpaid tutorials. I f you are looking for a crash course on feminist art history go back to school. You need to do some homework about feminist art theory as well as clear up the object of your intentions. Using Mary Beth Edelson's name as though you actually know her is misleading and does not inspire confidence. Feminism is not only an aesthetic but also an ethic. Consider your motivation and intentionality and ask yourself if the purpose of your inquiries is to advance women or appropriate feminist ideas? Whatever your answer, you will discover the reply to your question concerning how "gay men harm feminist art.

Cordially, Irene Fay


Dear Irene Fay,


This is exactly what I was afraid of, and these are things I am thinking about. I do not want to consciously harm anything. And actually, as I am not so well versed in these things, I'm sure it comes across this way. If you knew more about my interests and intentions I very much doubt you would make these accusations. I am quite good at what I do and how I do it, and resent your insinuations which are based on surface judgements. I am a serious professional myself and if I misunderstood then I can only learn from it. But I do not need any new contacts, I am looking for like minded people (as all people in the art community are) and indeed learning, as I always have been. I remain open and intend to continue building my entire life on dialogue and openness to discussion. What you mention below "appropriating" is exactly what I don't want to do. That is why I make the effort in the first place. To be quite honest I have become tired of seeing people I know described as derivative, and due to this intimidation I do what I can to see what I think of these issues. Your reaction is extremely hostile I think, but I appreciate the honesty.

I can say without a doubt that I would not pursue contact with Dr. Langer or anyone else if the interest and use was not mutual. This is what I understand, and you are actually telling me that since I don't agree with your definition of professional that's that. This attitude to me is very close to what makes the art world what it is today in general, I feel. I will sincerely think about what you have said to me here. It is painful. And to tell you the truth I don't know why it hurts.
But there is one thing you must understand. I am not an academic, and do not approve of the unwritten rules surrounding contact in the art community, I have never supported them and I have done more good than you know or care to find out apparently here, and I will continue to do so.
Your reading of my actions is hasty I think. I am an enthusiastic person, and educated in what I do. I am sorry if you misunderstood my enthusiastic mentioning of Mary Beth, and I do not feel that I misrepresented this in any way.
I have to respect your judgement and realize that you think I do not take this seriously, but I will not stoop to this level of coldness and intend to severely watch myself so that I indeed do no harm. I assure you that my attempt is much more genuine than you seem to think, and I do resent what I feel is a casual judgement.

I hope somewhere in the future that this becomes apparent.

Sands, and Robin

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6 October 1999: e-mail to Elke Krystufek in Vienna, she responded but I've decided that that is private for now.

INCOMPLETE AND PASSIONATE AND SINGING
Elke,
I'm so frustrated the last few days. The combination of a relationship (the idea of artists in serious, "normal" relationships--and healthy--is VASTLY unexplored territory, and especially I think in the case of gay men, speaking from my own perspective) and what I think I'm doing as an artist are driving me alternately crazy and making me think I'm doing the only right thing.
I just don't know what to believe anymore. We (Robin and I) have a subscription to Artforum and I just hate it today--it's like I'm totally not ready to be an artist in the artworld (or may never be for that ever, I just have to accept it) but I'm still fascinated dangerously sometimes by the prestige I imagine or see there, a kind of acceptance. I seem to make everything ultra difficult for myself, actually I do make everything difficult for myself. I see art as a teaching tool, and definitely not only as a teaching tool from my work to other people, but also that I learn, from my own work and other people's work and other people and things (even though this learning says probably more about myself than the other, especially in the case of Matthew Barney who is kept or keeps himself so elevated that it can only seem that he's superhuman and in a priviledged position)--sometimes, almost always, I want to meet (some)people who are artists and then I know exactly what I think and can learn(it feels even violent or challenging sometimes), when I was younger I seemed to only listen, and in the last few years I only want to talk, and the last year or so after the Young Scene and a group exhibition in New York cCity at Sean Kelly Gallery curated by Jens Hoffmann I seem to have collapsed for now (things were of course not what I thought or agreed with as seems to be the case for every artist which seems to make it that much more difficult and ridiculous(?)). When I was younger I said often that I would never exhibit ever, and Ken Lum (of all people to mention to you with your photos together!) told me when he was in my studio when I was at "de Ateliers" here in Amsterdam that if I hadn't had an exhibit by the time I was 24 (now 25, me) I'd stop being an artist. I find and found this ridiculous, I always keep going somehow. THere's this constant mistrust I have of everyone who's not me, and in the art world it seems to be exacerbated, and in lieu of concentrating yet completely on myself I look for things in other people and often end up having expectations and being disappointed. I know it would be better --Brian Sewell the upperclass art critic is now on BBC1's Call My Bluff show which is on as I'm writing this, my god!--I know it would be more sensible to shut it out and concentrate on myself but I get scared, it's scary, and often I don't understand and I want to desperately sometimes, too much sometimes.
After I few attempts I still have only a few people who I think I trust (I talk alot with Robin about self trust or lack of self trust as the basis of it) and goddamn it America drives me crazy and the New York (perhaps even Los Angeles) is so irritating I wish it did nothing to me anymore, that's what I think I'm working for and that's why I left, among other things.
Last night I was reading Donald Kuspit's "Idiosyncratic Identities"how artists in the artworld search each other out to reaffirm their own self or so, and I misunderstood I suppose, he also talks about psychological health and art in terms of that and imposters (Warhol, Duchamp) and I think that the point is that Americans as a culture are taught to hate their bodies, they are typically unloved (and this manifests itself in later life) and overoptimistic despite this--I still see these things sometimes in myself. THat's why, one of the reasons why, I reasearch body care and beauty secrets, a kind of insurance pollicy. THe older I get the more it seems to have to do with fear. And I'm alive now, and hopefully can learn and turn it around. THe thing that scares me most which I can put my finger on is the fact that if I'm really myself I will have a significant amount of enemies, and as an "A" bloodtype I am shy and introverted but actually ironically work for social equilibrium.
Sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing as a valid artist, and if it's important for us to make the most of our lives while we live or if things that we do or make should live on beyond us. I don't know what I believe about an afterlife, I think I don't believe in one (but plan to read Shirley Lucky Stars eventually). Sometimes I feel like I would have to work a whole lifetime to be in the same point as a starting point as some artists who seem to be so much more self assured and composed than me in their work and who knows their life but that's not even always true, but nothing is I suppose (but these, like Renee Green for instance although I've never met her, I hardly ever trust).

I still feel like I'd like to make photographs with you, I have no set plans anywhere now in the near future until 2001!--when I have a tentative "show" or project with my first gallery ever, Cokkie Snoei in Rotterdam, my first gallery show or project here (which I'm still unsure about for various reasons), and I hope to go away (me and Robin) on some sort of break from Amsterdam towards the end of this year--that's my only real plan for now. THere would be many other things that I could say but that will always be so. You told me about your plans until next February, I have money now and in the coming year or two to come to Vienna to do it (to make photos or whatever should happen when we arrange something) and I want to do that. I've never done anything like this before, when I was in school at Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, New York Carolee Schneemann was a guest teacher and I kept in touch with her for a while, and have thought sometimes about making (asking her anyway) to make photographs together, but for some reason it has never felt right. When I asked you it felt much better!
This weekend I got sick ("vomiting") for the first time in I think 5 years, and the same night "I Shot Andy Warhol" with the Valerie Solanas story was on ARD in German dubbing, between trips to go throw up I came back to lie in bed and see that and her SCUM manifesto, and just like with Andrea Dworkin I think more attention needs to be given to the fact that things are not at all as simple as man/woman (although I still believe that SEXUALITY in principle is a pretty clear issue for people who are willing and able to face it) and we all face pain, insecurity, and existential angst/power questions. I didn't necessarily mean for this to be a sick email, I feel like I really want to achieve something, and I'm feeling maybe a little under the weather, but the principle is still a positive one, and this is the point of the email: when you have an idea of when we could arrange something and I will --when you think it's right for you, when you feel like it--come to Vienna, this weekend I was going back and forth about so many things, but I would still very much look forward to something like this. God now on BBC news there is a story about a boy in Uganda raised by monkeys!
God I'm going back and forth like I don't trust myself: Please let me know when would be best for you and we'll do it (we can try to plan it). I'm not even exactly sure what I myself have in mind but I feel like I couldn't know that until we had a chance to meet again and see. And we can see how it goes until then.
Thanks for your answer to my questions I looked up Karl Holmqvist at a Swedish (Umea) website, and Russ Meyer, I mean Rymer. I think I'm going to send Kuspit back to Amazon, is there any use for critics do they ever maybe want to interface with artists so that we can be productive in our lifetime? My god, sometimes it amazes me what I try to believe in (everything except what's under my nose).And with that,and sometimes I wish that things were as simple as to be given credit for trying, which is what I've always valued in myself, hello Sands

ps--constantly I wish I could put hard literature out of my head (thinking comparing and trying to understand which is usually futile and I'm always happier when I don't do it--confusing social and artistic, and as in the Sao Paulo catalog--my take on part of your interview-- searching again as soon as my situation is comfortable), and learn to sleep well at night while my friends also sleep and my "enemies" sweat(they don't even have to sweat, I just want to feel good and learn). If I have anything to do with it I am going to do it!

pss--two other things I think are interesting lately: I've ordered, actually I won an auction on Amazon.com for 2 dollars for a 1991 unauthorized biography of Madonna that's now being sent by someone who calls themselves Birdy in North Little Rock, Arkansas and this weekend (if they get the right glass in) I should be framing a work which I'm very proud of that I asked Jan Dibbets for and he agreed (this in itself was a triumph--I grew to think that Jan Dibbets was and is a very interesting artist), it is a work from 1996 that is a large photo of a Dutch window (a building here in Amsterdam) that is pasted directly onto the wall. The same photos were recently shown at Barbara Gladstone Gallery (which is/was(?) probably my favorite gallery aatmospshere right now, and although I've never met her I had a "thing"for her) and he had put it on a door in my old room which is now my workspace/office on an old piece of wallpaper--these works are not meant to be taken off of walls but all I had in my room (which was 2 by 3 meters) was everywhere old wallpaper and no concrete so he had no choice. This was in 1996--it's the most expensive piece of art I own and I'm very proud of it--25.000 guilders he told me then. I also have the Soul book of Tracey Emin (and her dancing video which I taped off TV), something (a personalised labelled bottle) that Georg Herold made for me, some sketches from Carolee, a photo piece made with a work of mine from when I was at de Ateliers from Willem Oorebeek and a few pieces by two artists who I knew there, David Powell and Maria Pask. I also have various old things from when I knew Jun Yang when I was 20 and he was 19 and a student here for 4 months or a year, it was my first 4 months in Amsterdam. This is my collection, and letters from you of course, you know how hard it is to classify things as work!

i FEEL MUCH BETTER TODAY, i HAD WRITTEN THE ABOVE YESTERDAY AND WANT YOU TO HAVE IT BEFORE TOMORROW WHEN i'VE GOT A LOT MORE THAN i DO NOW TO DO AND THINK ABOUT, i'M JUST SO EXCITED!

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Dear Cassandra Langer and Irene Fay,

After our contact a year ago it has been a priority to question my motives and to further research the issues that were unclear and led to our misunderstanding. With hindsight I understand now more how my actions came across as undesirable and I want to apologize--the misunderstanding was mine.

My great grandmother Norma Isaacs (b. 1900) who died three years ago was a painter in New York City. Growing up in Topeka, Kansas I learned that she was an artist/ she was what an artist was and is, she was a mentor and friend and her paintings filled our house and our families' houses-- close connections to her and to New York City.

I want to reiterate that I was deeply interested in working with you in collecting feminist artworks and wanted to pay you for your help, things went too quickly for this to become clear and this was my fault. I feel I acted callously and insensitively and I really am sorry.

Out of respect I will not contact you again but I want to say sorry--that I am sorry and apologize for my actions and what happened.
Your art historical work has been inspiring.

With the sincerest best wishes,

Sands Murray-Wassink Amsterdam, The Netherlands


[No subject--ps]
Your art historical work has been and is inspiring.
We have just moved (still in process) and my husband's mother is in the hospital, you have been on my mind a great deal lately so please excuse any inconsistencies in my wording in terms of what is going on here now.
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